In my research on motivated forgetting, I looked at personal style and how it influences what we remember.
Consider social faux pas. We all have things we prefer not to dwell on, especially if we’ve done something cringe-worthy. If people choose not to think about things that make them anxious, repression might be a good way to go. However, if not thinking about things that lead to problems causes people to recurringly experience those problems, maybe repression is not so helpful.
Previous researchers had compared people on two variables – social desirability and anxiousness. Some folks are fairly happy go lucky, others are anxious and they know it. Yet some people show up as anxious on an assessment while maintaining they are not at all anxious. If anxiety is not socially acceptable, they don’t want to admit to having anxiety. This last group has been dubbed “repressors.” I asked people who fell along the various dimensions to remember times when they had done something that had a negative impact on their best friend or significant other (e.g., being late for a date or appointment). One would expect the repressors to not remember their own bad behavior, which was indeed what I found. But here comes the research twist. I also sent home a parallel questionnaire for the significant other or friend. Then I compared the pairs of answers. If you are habitually late and your partner doesn’t care, no harm no foul. But if you are habitually late and you think it is no big deal while your partner is seething, this is a problem. For all the non-repressor groups, there was a correlation between how they rated their faux pas and how the partners rated them. For the repressors, there was no relationship. In common parlance, they were clueless. This does not bode well for the relationship.
This is not classic Freudian repression, but it does demonstrate a cognitive style that does not serve us well. I probably fell into this last category. My apologies to all of you who have known me more than a few years.
Puzzle Pieces Coaching 